


Wanna Be With You, But Will My Fear Destroy Us

by Levyscript



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Both bad with communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Friends give help, Keith realizes he needs help, M/M, Mentions Shiro's accident, Mentions of Krolia/Kolivan - Freeform, Mentions of past death of Keith’s Father, Minor Allura/Matt Holt, Modern Day, Partially beta'd, Separation, Sheithlentines 2021, Shiro is stubborn, Talks of possible break-up, The take space to cool down from massive fight, keith is stubborn, mentions of past shiro/adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levyscript/pseuds/Levyscript
Summary: Shiro has an incident at work during his first week back. He asks Allura not to tell Keith before he can when he gets home later. Unfortunately, Allura in her worry breaks her word and calls Keith. Keith being the overprotective emotional constipated person he is
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10
Collections: Sheithlentines 2021





	Wanna Be With You, But Will My Fear Destroy Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [midblu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midblu/gifts).



> Thank you for the prompt MidnightBlu. I hope you enjoy the angst. 
> 
> I enjoyed writing it and I will always be editing this baby

Shiro is sitting at Matt’s counter nursing a beer. He was wallowing. Pity party for one while Matt sat there watching him. Shiro knew he needed to talk. Considering he showed up at Matt’s without warning with a duffel bag.

“I hate your girlfriend.” That’s what Shiro started with. 

Matt sighs. “You don’t hate Allura. You just have no trust in her right now.”

“Is there a difference? Because I remember telling her not to tell Keith. Yet here we are.” Shiro finishes his beer.

Matt stops Shiro before he grabs another one. “If you want another beer you have to tell me why you are here with a duffel full of clothes. And saying that you have no trust in my girlfriend.”

Shiro glares at Matt before sitting back down. “Keith and I had a fight, and this wasn’t like our normal fights. This seemed different. He was waiting to ambush me when I got home, because of Allura.”

Matt knew what was going on. Allura had called him earlier to explain about breaking Shiro’s trust by telling Keith what happened earlier. He’d warned her she was in the wrong but she insisted did it out of love but she understood it still wasn’t right to tell Keith after promising not to. 

“Tell me what happened.” Matt got them two beers, handing one to Shiro, and got comfortable on the barstool to explain.

_ ~Flashback~ _

_ Shiro pulls into his parking space in the underground parking of their apartment. Noticing Keith’s car was in his spot, Shiro sighed, he had been hoping to beat him home. Taking a moment for himself, he knew he had to tell Keith what happened today. It wasn’t bad, just fainting from exhaustion.  _

_ He wasn’t used to working this much anymore, not after months of being away because of the accident. Resigned, Shiro gets out of the car to take the elevator up to their floor. _

_ Walking into their apartment, he knew. Keith had to know already. He was sitting at the island waiting with a cup of what most likely was coffee. Shiro took the time to slip off his shoes. Knowing he was prolonging the discussion he headed towards Keith. _

_ “Hey, baby.” Shiro went in to kiss Keith the cheek and Keith turned away. Shiro sighs sitting down. _

_ Keith looks to Shiro. “Are you okay?” _

_ Shiro knew the loaded question.  _

_ “Dammit, Allura.” _

_ “Don’t blame Allura, Shiro. Why didn’t you call me yourself?” Shiro could tell Keith was trying to remain calm, and it made him feel guilty. But this is why he wanted to tell Keith tonight over having him be worried all day. For the millionth time since this conversation started, he cursed Allura.  _

_ “Keith, I didn’t want you to worry all day. I was fine. I was just tired and my body needed a break. It’s not used to working every day, not anymore. And before you say I shouldn’t have gone back full time, I needed to. You know it. Those three months were rough on me and my therapist told me to just take it easy. I made the mistake of pushing myself to the limit and I’m sorry. I was going to tell you when I got home, Baby.” Shiro was hoping Keith would understand. He hoped that this was just it and they could get on with their evening. _

_ Keith closed his eyes and sighed. “You didn’t call me at lunch. And Allura felt the need to tell me. You aren’t a burden, Shiro. I’m angry and hurt you didn’t call me. I don’t care if I have to miss part of a day to be with you. It happened anyway, Kolivan sent me home early because of my bad mood.” _

_ Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose. Taking a calming breath, he says, “Keith, This is why I didn’t tell you. You overreact. You’re lucky you work with family or that attitude of yours would have gotten you fired. It’s High school and college over again.” _

_ Keith’s eyes widened. “This is nothing like that Shiro. Three months ago I thought I was going to lose you. You could have died in that wreck! So sorry if I get upset that the man I love faints at work. Sorry, I let it affect my fucking mood!” _

_ “Keith, I didn’t mean to bring up the past, but you get overprotective. I’m fine and here, I’ve been seeing my therapist. I normally call you every day at lunch. What more can I do?” _

_ “I need you to understand it’s only been three months. That you can take the time you need. Maybe go in three days a week, don’t push yourself. You always push yourself to the limits, overworking yourself.” _

_ “That’s hilarious because if I remember correctly you are the very same. So stubborn that you will go to work with a high fever. ” Shiro knew he was getting petty. But he was tired.  _

_ Tired of being told to take it easy. That he doesn’t have to work as much as before. Just because He and Allura run the company doesn’t mean they can slack off. They are the very hearts of Altea Shirogane Tech, creating up-and-coming technological breakthroughs.  _

_ Shiro is a walking, talking advertisement for them with his prosthetic. Some nights, Shiro sometimes likes to dabble in the lab with Matt. Though if Keith has his choice, Shiro wouldn’t be testing new bikes and such.  _

_ “Shiro you aren’t twenty anymore. You are almost 30 and I would like to make it to old age with you.” _

_ “You know you are starting to sound like my ex.” _

_ Keith looked like he was slapped. “This isn’t the same and you know it. I just want you to take it easy. I trust you Kashi.” _

_ Shiro laughed. Just outright laughed. “You know I hear that from everyone else, and I know you're different but I shouldn’t come home just to be fucking ambushed. If you were so worried why didn’t you text me? Communication goes two ways.” _

_ “You’re right, but as others like to point out I have problems communicating; technically we both do. We don’t like being a burden to others or having others worrying about us. Can you honestly say you would have been okay with me calling you worried? And before you ask, I was working during your usual lunch break.” _

_ “You’re the one person I don’t want to hear about this from. I just wanted to come home tell you and get on with our evening. I was just tired and my body let me know.” _

_ “Shiro, I love you. I will worry about you. I can’t support you if you can't let me worry. You say the same thing about me. Remember when I almost fell asleep at the wheel. You were so angry and worried. Just like I am now. If we can’t be that for each other, then what are we doing?” _

_ Shiro stood there. Keith was right, but he was hurt and angry. “Then what are we doing? Nothing changes with us, Keith. We are arguing about the same thing over and over. I just don’t want to keep doing this. Aren’t you tired of this?” _

_ “You mean me. I knew it. You said I could trust you, Shiro. That you wouldn’t walk away. That this was it. I was scared to get in a relationship. Hell Shiro I was scared to even tell you how I felt. Just if you want out then go.” _

_ “Keith it’s not what I want but maybe we need space right now,” Shiro suggests and he can see the hurt in Keith’s eyes. He doesn’t want to but they are fighting more. Shiro gets up to head to their room. _

_ Packing a bag with his clothes and grabbing his bathroom necessities. Back in the living room, he saw Keith at the kitchen sink refusing to look at Shiro. Shiro shakes his head and heads towards the door before he’s stopped by Kosmo. _

_ Kosmo noses Shiro’s bag. Crouching down he pets Kosmo. “You're a good boy, okay?” _

_ Kosmo gives Shiro a perplexed look and watches Shiro as he leaves. Shiro takes a deep breath in the hallway after the door closes. _

~~~~~~~~~~

Keith looked around the empty apartment. Kosmo was waiting by the door. He had been there since Shiro left. It never feels this empty. Even when Shiro was in the hospital or away for a business trip. He felt like the walls were closing in on him.

Finally letting his emotions out Keith slid down the cabinet on the floor. Pulling his knees into his chest, he finally let himself cry. The last time he cried was at the hospital after Shiro’s accident when they had to make the tough choice to amputate his arm to save him. 

Keith wished he stopped Shiro from leaving but he didn’t want to be seen as a burden. He also didn’t want Shiro to see him cry. He hears Kosmo come up to him. Keith just stays where he is. Kosmo lays gently next to him. Ignoring the world, he doesn’t answer his phone when it goes off. He knew it wasn't who he wanted calling him.

He didn’t know how much time passed but Kosmo got up eventually. He didn’t even hear the front door open. Still huddled on the floor he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Jumping he bangs his head hard against the cabinet he was sitting against.

“Oh, Keith.” The voice of his mother is soft. Looking up fully he can see his mother looking worryingly at him.

Keith with a wobbly lip. “I don’t know if Shiro is coming back Mom.”

Krolia squats down to hug her son. “Keith, does this have to do with what happened earlier today? Kolivan mentioned to me that you were sent home.”

Keith gets up with the help of his mother. As they walked to the couch Keith explained how the afternoon went. Once they sat down Keith brought up his knees to his chest. “I was waiting for him when he came home. I didn’t even give him a chance to explain. I was just on him. But I was so scared.”

“Keith, you were wrong to jump on Shiro. But he loves you.” Krolia didn’t like seeing her son hurt. And she can tell he is hurting. Keith doesn’t cry often. 

“We fought. We have been fighting a lot lately and today we said things that were hurtful. We brought our past into it. Shiro said we needed space. He took a bag of clothes and left.”

Krolia grabs Keith’s hand. “Maybe he’s right. Since the accident you have been stressed. Don’t lie. I know that kind of stress. I had it after your father’s first accident on the job. It never went away. Every time he left I was scared. And I had to hide it from you to make sure you didn’t worry. It's never easy but you have to learn to balance it.”

“I just don’t want to lose him. And he left without a word. He just packed a bag and left. It feels so empty here. I just wish I could snuggle up to him” Keith feels the tears start again. 

“Keith I can’t tell you how to fix this. I can be here and I know one thing. Shiro probably is just as miserable. You have to see it from his side. For the past three months, he hasn’t had much freedom. I’m not saying you smother him, Keith. He was in the hospital. All the therapy sessions and are still going on. The physical therapy.Even though he just started working this week. Do you think Allura, Matt, Pidge, and Sam aren’t watching him like a hawk?”

Keith closes his eyes. Thinking about how everyone has probably been coddling Shiro. That their apartment is his safe haven. Shiro has mentioned that before. And they have been arguing a lot. 

“Keith tell me what happened at the shop.” Krolia looks at Keith with a look of worry. Keith sighs and explains about his day. 

_ ~Flashback~ _

_ Keith was enjoying the day at Marmora Garage. Nothing major has come in to be worked on which means at the rate he’s going, he can go home on time. Even being a week since Shiro started going to work again, Keith was still antsy. Everything seemed to go well but that’s because Shiro was still sort of taking it easy. _

_ As Keith was changing the oil on a 1999 Jeep Wrangler, Kolivan opened the office door to call for him. Keith looked to Kolivan to let him know he was listening. Kolivan made the signal that the phone was for him, Keith waved him off. _

_ Wiping his hands before picking up the closest shop phone. “Keith speaking.” _

_ “Keith. Hey, I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing.”  _

_ “Allura?!” Keith was surprised to hear her voice. Their friends never call the shop phone. He checks his phone when he has downtime or his lunch break. She wasn’t responding. “Allura. Is everything okay?” _

_ “Yes, but I feel you should know there was an incident today. Shiro passed out earlier. He was only out for a few seconds and he says he’s fine. And oh god I shouldn’t have called you. Shiro said he would tell you but it scared me so much.” Keith can hear her pitch getting higher as she talks. He understood why she was worried Shiro was big on trust. Just like Keith was.  _

_ “Allura. Thank you. And don’t worry about Shiro hating you. He loves you and will forgive. I’ll let you go.” They say their farewells and Keith hangs the phone up. He looks at the Jeep and knows he needs to finish the oil change and the yearly tune-up. This was one of his loyal customers. _

_ It didn’t stop him from thinking though. Worrying over his boyfriend who almost died 3 months ago from a nasty motorcycle crash. The rehabilitation. The waiting was the worst. The Holts designed his arm pro-bono with Ulaz’s help.  _

_ Shiro felt like a science experiment with all the measurements and testing. It was a state of the art prosthetic best in the feel. Shiro got used to it right away. Keith stayed by his side of course.  _

_ He worked minimum hours but made sure when he went to Shiro was fine. They got into too many arguments about Keith’s overprotectiveness.  _

_ He knew he was being short with everyone. Kolivan even raised his eyebrow in the change of Keith’s demeanor. It was like he was the angry teenager all over again.  _

_ Around two o’clock Kolivan called him. “Keith. What’s going on?” _

_ Keith didn’t like others worrying about him. It causes him to get defensive. “It’s nothing.” _

_ Keith could tell by Kolivan’s sigh that it was not the right thing to say. Before he could take it back Kolivan sighed. “Take the rest of the day off. You’re not needed, all we have left are walk-ins and there are enough of us here to cover it.” _

_ “Sure.” Keith knew better to argue and he probably expected a call from his mother later. Kolivan will most likely give her a heads up.  _

_ Cleaning up his area so it won’t be a mess and in the way of others. He waved at everyone before summoning Kosmo, who was chilling in the office, to head home.  _

_ Once home Keith took a shower first hoping it would help calm him down. It didn’t work. Starting on the laundry he bought his time until Shiro came home. He made himself a coffee and continued laundry.  _

_ Keith just wanted Shiro home. The more he kept staring at his phone. Realizing Shiro never contacted him at lunch like usual made things worse. Finishing laundry and putting it away. _

_ Keith realized he still had an hour to go before Shiro would be home. He took Kosmo out for a walk. Returning home with ten minutes to spare he made himself some fresh coffee.  _

~~~~~~~~~~

Matt sighs. Obviously, this fight brought out everything. And now his two best friends are miserable. Matt kind of cursed his girlfriend, who was due home soon. She had a gym session and then was coming home. He probably should text a heads up and pick up extra food. There was no way Shiro was going home tonight.

Shiro probably looks as frustrated as he feels. Knowing he is tired but too upset to sleep. He is hanging with Matt in the living room. Gaming and wanting to ignore his current problems. About an hour later the front door opens to reveal Allura. Obviously, she knew Shiro is there judging by the guilty look she is sporting.

Shiro narrows his eyes. Not getting up from the couch to greet her. Allura took the hint and placed the food on the island before heading towards the bedrooms.

Matt turns to Shiro. “You can’t be an ass to Allura. Keith and you have been having issues since the accident. Every relationship when something major happens can either make or break them. Maybe this space will be good. But the first step is forgiving Allura. And don’t be petty Shiro. Shiro petty isn’t a fun Shiro. You will find yourself kicked out.”

“Can I have at least tonight? I’ll make up tomorrow.” Shiro is pouting. Pouting Shiro doesn’t come out often. Matt of course took a photo. “Delete it now.”

“Not until tomorrow morning when you are no longer petty.” Matt sticks his tongue out and gets up to check on Allura.

Shiro knew Matt was right but Shiro is just so angry and felt like he can’t trust Allura. A little voice in his head kept saying she didn’t do anything wrong. He just didn’t want to listen. Not with how Keith and himself were feeling. 

He didn’t want to leave the apartment but here they were. Saying things out of anger and hurting each other. Shiro needed a spar. Maybe he should hit up Thace at the gym tomorrow. But it would mean taking a day off. Getting up he heads to where Allura placed the food. 

The food is from one of their favorite spots. Shiro found that Allura got his favorite. Grabbing it along with utensils and a drink, Shiro made it to his old room. Luckily it’s now a guest room with Shiro’s old bed frame and a tv. Sitting at the small desk that was also in there Shiro ate. 

It felt weird being back in this room. It feels like it was a lifetime ago that he lived here. Remembering this is the first place Keith and Shiro slept together. That’s probably why Shiro came here. Even when upset with Allura he wanted to be close to Keith. This is the room they decided to get their own place.

Shiro remembered when he realized that Keith was partially moved in. And Allura was already fully moved in. Made sense since Keith and Shiro also needed a pet-friendly place. They rescued Kosmo but had to keep him at Krolia’s and Kolivan’s place.

Shiro finishes his food and heads out to throw his trash. He finds Allura and Matt eating on the island. Allura gets up. “Shiro I was in the wrong. I’m sorry. I should have not called Keith. It wasn’t my place. I just worry about you, Shiro. Your family Shiro.”

Shiro knew he couldn’t stay mad at her. “Allura I know you meant well. Keith and I have been having a lot of arguments and I haven’t told you. A lot of times we went to bed angry.”

Allura walks up to Shiro and hugged him. “I didn’t know Shiro.”

“I didn’t want to add to everyone's worries. Keith and I have been struggling since the accident. I just don’t want to lose us. But Keith has been a bit too overprotective.”

Matt barks a laugh, “A little. I thought Keith was a feral cat over you when we were younger. Now he’s just extra feral.”

Shiro looked at Matt in confusion. “I’m not going to ask.”

“Keith always liked you as you found out. Well, he has always been protective of you. Now since you are dating, you are the one person he doesn’t want to lose. Shiro, you didn’t see him in the hospital. It destroyed him. And when he had to make the decision to amputate your arm. I was afraid we were going to send him to psych.”

Shiro never heard how bad it was for Keith when Shiro’s accident happened. “He never talks about it. I guess it’s also my fault for never asking.”

“Shiro you have been healing and Keith really keeps his self-importance to the lowest level. This isn’t your fault alone. Give each other space for a few days.”

“Allura I hope you don’t mind me taking tomorrow off.”

Allura places her hand on Shiro’s cheek. “Of course Shiro. And stay here for as long as you need.”

“Thank you, Allura.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Keith wakes up after a restless night. He is on the couch because the bed just didn’t feel the same. Keith knew if they broke up he can’t stay here, he would give the apartment to Shiro. It hurts so bad. He knew it was very early in the morning. The sun hasn’t even started to rise. Keith just knew he wouldn’t be going to sleep anytime soon.

Instead of trying he gets up and heads to the shower. Once finished he got Kosmo on the lease and headed out. Some may think it’s crazy for him to head out so early but there is one place he could go. 

Walking a few blocks he arrives at their friend Hunk’s bakery. Grabbing his phone he messages Hunk that he was out front. A few minutes after Hunk came to the door with a confused look.

Opening the door Hunk greets Keith. “Keith. Good morning.”

Keith walks in with Kosmo. “Sorry to bug you Hunk. I was awake and wanted to get out of the apartment. I hope you don’t mind.”

Hunk locks the door behind him while Keith lets Kosmo off the leash. The bakery was pet-friendly so it isn’t a problem to let Kosmo roam free. 

The two men head back to the kitchen area where Hunk ia already set up to bake this morning's goodies. The ovens were pre-heating and all ingredients were out. Keith washes his hands and Hunk had the spare apron ready for him.

They got to work once Keith saw the list Hunk is making. Hunk is mixing dry ingredients for cookies when he decides to ask. “As much as I always love your work ethic and you spend time working here. But I have to ask, what’s going on?”

Keith cracks the necessary eggs he needed. “Shiro and I had another fight last night. Except for this time he left. Packed a bag and just left. “

Hunk drops the brown sugar he is about to measure. “Keith. Shit. What happened?”

Keith starts mixing together the wet ingredients. “Shiro had an incident at work yesterday. Allura called me to tell. She did it knowing Shiro asked her not to. I was so worried I got sent home and then cleaned the apartment. Shiro came home and I ambushed him. He didn’t want me to worry all day so he was going to when he came home. It escalated and we said things we most likely regret. I know I regret it. But instead of staying home and us ignoring each other. Shiro left.”

“Keith. Buddy. Ambushing Shiro probably wasn’t the best idea. But how else would you react with Allura calling you and telling you? I mean maybe you should have reached out to Shiro after she called. Obviously, it was wrong of her to tell you.”

“Oh god, why didn’t I message him. Check-in and give him a chance. He didn’t call me at lunch and I just jumped on him. Why didn’t I think to check-in? I was just worried and had to be sent home.”

Hunk sighs. He has Keith move away and sit on the other side of the island. “Is Shiro okay if you don’t mind me asking?”

Keith plays with his hands. “Yes. He fainted. Seems he was just tired and still getting used to the new schedule.”

“Well, at least it was just that. It’s an adjustment and knowing Shiro he may be pushing his limits. I suggested he go for half a day at first but you know Shiro. He doesn’t do anything by half.”

Keith chuckles. “No, he doesn’t. Shiro puts his whole heart and into everything he does.”

Hunk continues with his normal fast pace to get everything in on time. The first batch of cookies in one oven while his scones were being prepared. “So what are you going to do?”

“My mom came over last night. I told her I was worried about Shiro every day at work. I know in a matter of time he’ll be back to testing new bikes and such. That I was always afraid to receive another call but this time with worse news. She told me I had a choice to make. Either make peace and be okay with Shiro or let Shiro go.” Keith’s wells with tears.

Hunk gets the scones in and checks the first batch of cookies. “Keith I know it hurts but she’s right. You can’t control what Shiro does just like he can’t control you. You have every right to worry about him, Keith.”

Keith nods. He couldn’t talk because he has been thinking about what his mother said. As a kid, he worried about his father every time he was at work. His mother truly is a strong person to deal with this every day. And the heartbreak when they got the call. 

“My father used to get injured on the job. My mom is always by his side. I never knew how strong she was until now. My mom was always a superwoman to me but now she’s even more. I now understand her more.” Keith chokes up. 

“You need to talk to Shiro. That’s all I can say. Listen to him but also talk to him about your fears. You have to talk without your temper rising. Shiro normally knows how to read you but he also knows you will hide if you can.” 

Keith knew he was right. He thanks Hunk and gets back to helping Hunk. By the time Keith opens the bakery while Hunk stays in the back to finish up some last-minute goodies. 

Kosmo was his usual behaved self. Keith with Kosmo left around ten before the lunch rush. Keith is tired so he took a good walk before returning home. He checked his phone and saw no messages from Shiro.

After he made sure Kosmo had food and water Keith face plants onto the couch. Hours passed by before Keith woke up. The sun is setting and this is normally his favorite time with Shiro. Sighing, he heats up food while responding to the few messages from his mom, Kolivan, Hunk, and Pidge.

Taking Kosmo for a walk again. Keith is antsy. He felt the walls closing in on him. Shooting a message to his mom to come get Kosmo Keith is out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shiro wakes up later than usual. Not setting his alarm the night before he stretches. He feels like he had a restless night. Which is most likely true. He normally does when he’s not sleeping next to Keith. He knew no one else was home. Allura and Matt will already be at the company.

Checking his phone he sees that there were no messages from Keith. He is hoping maybe Keith reached out to him and Shiro is too afraid to be the first one. He is still hurting. 

There is a message from Pidge though asking him to lunch. He figures with him out of work today she may be a bit worried. Responding that he will see her at one of the usual places she suggests. With that, he gets ready for the day. 

Shiro is not surprised to see Pidge waiting for him already. She had snagged a table at one of the favorite lunch haunts. 

“Hey, Pidge.” Shiro sat in the seat across from her.

“Hey, Shiro. Missing you at work today.” Pidge doesn’t even bother to look away from the menu. Which means she is upset or something. They know the menu off of the back of their head. 

“How much am I in trouble?” Shiro waves at the waitress, who smiles at him. She knows his drink order. It only changes if he actually summons her.

“I wouldn’t say in trouble. According to what Hunk has heard, you’re both at fault.” Pidge lowers the menu to quirk an eyebrow at Shiro. 

Shiro sighs. “Allura called him yesterday and told him before I could.”

Putting the menu down Pidge grimaces. “Damn. So he really did ambush you when you got home. So I will say now Allura had no right. Especially after you asked her not to. That’s all Allura is guilty of.”

“I know. I already talked to her about it. I mean your brother threatened me last night since I am currently staying there.”

“So you really moved out. Damn Shiro. Couldn’t just go out for an hour or two and go home?” Pidge looks to the side.

The waitress, Kelly, brought their drinks. “Are you two ready to order?”

Pidge smiles. “I would like the club sandwich. Can I get ranch on the side to dip my fries in?”

“Of course and what can I get for you hun.” Kelly turns to Shiro.

Shiro gave her a small smile. “I would like the BLT with avocado and would also like ranch for my fries.”

She took their menus and walked off to turn in their order. Shiro looked over the place that wasn’t busy yet with the lunch rush. “Shiro, are you going home today?”

Shiro looks to Pidge. She looks even younger. “I don’t know. I’m still mad and I said very hurtful things. If I go back and am still mad what else am I going to say. How much more am I going to hurt Keith?”

Pidge is lost. She doesn’t do relationships but Shiro and Keith are family. She doesn’t want them to hurt but she’s lost on what to say. “Shiro all I can say is you need to think if you two can move forward. Are you happy? I know about the accident and such. It probably has been rough for you two. Keith probably is scared of you going to work because it’s the first week. And it will happen again every time you test one of our prototypes. And you have to understand he will worry. Considering the accident that happened with one of our prototypes. It took him a bit to be okay with the arm and I think Ulaz helping with it really helped ease Keith’s mind.”

Their food is brought out and they dig in. Shiro was thinking. He knew Keith was antsy about him going back to work. Tried to talk him out of it. He just wasn’t expecting how worried Keith would be.

“Pidge I’m sorry. I know Keith’s your friend too. I feel I’m going to mess up our friend dynamic. I know Keith at first was rough with you guys.”

“Shiro we were kids. He was all grr and growls. He loves us all except maybe Lance. Keith is one of us. And we love you guys. And yea if you guys break up it will totally suck. We aren’t going to pick sides. We will just need to set up visitation rights.”

Shiro chuckles lightly. “Thanks, Katie. I mean it.”

Pidge normally would give Shiro the stink eye but Shiro needs this. He only calls her Katie when he is vulnerable. Shiro is her brother. She grabs his hand and squeezed. They finish lunch and give each other hugs. Pidge heads back to work while Shiro debates what to do with his afternoon. The gym does sound good now. 

~~~~~~~~~~

“So you really are not going home today. Pidge mentioned that you weren’t. I just wanted to check in with you.” Matt got home about fifteen minutes ago. Shiro was in the shower since he did just come back from the gym.

“It’s better this way. Keith hasn’t reached out to me at all today. And yes, I’m guilty of that too.” Shiro sat down with Matt at the counter.

“Geez, you two. You can’t just hide here Shiro. You know this. And you know Keith, you will have to be the one to go to him first.” Matt shakes his head.

“Matt I don’t know. I love Keith, I do but are we good together. Every time I come home I can tell Keith is checking me out. And not because he wants to jump me. He’s checking to make sure I’m okay. He’s afraid I think of me going to work every day. I don’t want that. I don’t want him living with that kind of stress. And I don’t want to give up that part of my career.” After lunch, Shiro really thought about these past few months. And it wasn’t fair to either of them. 

Matt looks to the windows. “So you’re really thinking of breaking up with Keith. You know I will hate you but I will be here for you.”

Shiro's eyes flinch at the word break-up. “I know I have to talk to Keith first but it may be for the best. I don’t want to say it’s what’s going to happen. But knowing Keith I may have to force it. As you’ve said last night Keith has always loved me. I’m scared that Keith will force himself to be okay with me and my job.”

Matt hugs his best friend and that’s when Shiro lost it. Shiro broke down. The idea that he will have to let Keith go hurt badly. He starts to shake as the tears rack his body.

“Shiro this may not be the end. You can’t go straight to that thinking. I mean yes you may have to let Keith go and I’m afraid of what that may do to each of you. As you said you need to talk to Keith first”

Shiro leans back, eyes red and puffy. He just is a wreck and is afraid to talk to Keith. The one person Shiro felt home with. Keith was his safe harbor. When he realized he was going to crash and couldn’t prevent it, all he thought was Keith. How much he loves Keith.

Keith is the one who is by his side. Always is and Shiro doesn’t want to think of a future without him “Am I too dependent on Keith?”

Matt laughs. “My god Shiro. You guys depend on each other. And Shiro you need that. You put so much on yourself. Allura and you both do. You two are the oldest of our group and have always taken care of us before yourself. Keith always wants to take your troubles away while trying to hide his own. You don’t let him.”

A knock is heard. Matt gets up and checks the door while Shiro goes to the fridge to get a drink. “Keith. Hey, what are you doing here?”

Shiro stays out of the eyesight of Keith but wants to hear. “Hey, Matt. Is Shiro here?”

“He is but I don’t know if now is the right time.”

“Oh yea. I should have texted or called instead. I’ll just go.” 

Shiro moves before the door fully shuts and calls out. “Keith!”

Matt stops closing the door while Keith turns back to see Shiro. “You can come in.”

Matt looks between the two. “You know what? I’m going to text Allura. We will go out to eat.”

With that Matt left the apartment. Keith is still standing outside of the door. “You can come in Keith.”

Keith walked in and closed the door. “Are you okay?”

Shiro just lets out a mirthless laugh. “Yea. I’m good.”

Keith looks at Shiro and can tell he wasn’t. “Shiro please talk. I’m sorry for the other day. I should have messaged you instead of jumping on you.”

“Keith. Are you happy?” Shiro leaned against the counter.

Keith froze. “These past two days? No, but have you?”

Shiro looks to the side. “Keith. I’m sorry for the things I said the other night. I shouldn’t have. You have every right to worry.”

“Damn right I do! And now since the accident, it has been worse. My mother reminded me of when I was little. I was always worried about my father whenever he left for work. He got injured a few times.” Keith wipes his eyes. He didn’t want to cry. He wants to be brave for Shiro.

Shiro reaches out but thought better about it. Lowering his arm. “Keith I know this is a sensitive topic. You don’t need to.”

Keith steps back. “I know I don’t need to, Shiro I want to. Because I still don’t know if I do what my mom did.”

Shiro froze. “What did your mom do?”

“She lived with the fear of my dad dying every day. Every time they called when he was injured. And then the final call. I remember I was scared too but nowhere near my mom’s level. I understand her more now. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

Shiro knew. Krolia has talked to him about it. Before the accident and all. She must have talked to him about Shiro. _‘Good. This should help him.’_ Taking a sip of his drink. “Keith I’m not asking you. I could never force you. I would understand if you didn’t.”

Keith looks to see that Shiro was serious. “I don’t want you to change your job for me.”

Shiro closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’m not.”

Keith froze. His mind just went blank. Eyes blurry, he couldn’t focus on anything. It felt like hours but he hears. “Baby. Keith. Breathe.”

Keith takes a breath and keeps taking slow breaths. He finds himself on the couch. “Shiro, are you breaking up with me?”

Shiro wasn’t looking at him. “I don’t know. I don’t want you to be miserable. It’s not fair. We will destroy each other. I rather you hate me now then destroy yourself later.”

“You don’t know that Shiro. We don’t know that!”

“Are you telling me you will walk away? Before you grow to hate me because you can’t handle the stress of worrying about me?”

“Can I at least try? AM I that week?”

“You aren’t weak Keith but we both know. Actually, we all know. You never put yourself and your needs first. And when it comes to this I can’t stand aside and let you do this.”

“You’re wrong!”

“Keith. I’m worried about the long run. We have to be rational.”

“I was selfish. It was the hardest decision of my life but I couldn’t lose you.”

Shiro’s head snaps to look at Keith really fast. “Wait!? What are you talking about?”

“When you were in the hospital. Ulaz said there were two options. The first one was to amputate your arm. The other option was to try to repair your arm with minimum movement and such. I went with amputating because I wanted you. I wanted you out of surgery sooner. Back in a room where I can watch you.” 

“Minimum movement range?”

“Yes, Shiro. I was selfish and gave up your arm. I gave up our sex life just to have you.”

Shiro chokes. “You did not give up our sex life. And you made the right choice. I prefer the prosthetic.”

Keith looks at him directly. “We haven’t had sex since before the accident. If you hold my hand you always make sure it’s with your normal hand.” Grabbing Shiro’s prosthetic. “I love all of you, Shiro. This is part of you.”

Shiro is now tearing up. He didn’t think Keith noticed his insecurity about the arm. Of course, he did. “I didn’t think you noticed. Since we don’t have much sex at all anyways.”

Keith smiles. “I may not big on sex but I do enjoy it with you when we do it.”

“Keith I told you from day one. I don’t need sex to be happy. Only when you feel like it.” Shiro squeezed Keith’s hand.

“I want to try. I don’t want to give up on us. You’re one of the best things to happen to me, Shiro. And I may need a referral from your therapist.”

Shiro is surprised. “Really Baby?”

“I know there are support groups but I don’t do well with people. And you’ve spoken about how it has helped you. I should have listened to Ulaz months ago that I may need help.”

Shiro couldn’t stop the goofy smile. “We can try. I don’t want to lose us either. I was ready to let you go to protect you.”

“I’m supposed to be the martyr of the group.”

“I love you, Keith.”

“I love you too Takashi.”

They both lean in to kiss. After a few moments, they separate. Shiro sighs. “I don’t think Matt and Allura would mind you crashing here.”

“Honestly I rather go home. I want our home to feel like home again. Kosmo is with mom. I’ll drive since you drank a beer.”

Shiro let Keith lead him to his car. Shiro shoots a quick message to Matt letting him know he is going home and would get his car tomorrow. 

Keith looks over to Shiro while at a red light. His worry and fear were worth it if it means he can keep Shiro. The only time he can be selfish. 


End file.
